Tuesday, October 05, 2010

A Letter

Last Friday my brother sent me a friend's request on Facebook.  There was no message with it; just a blank request.  Its odd.  Here I am on the verge of going full time, yet knowing my brother had located me on Facebook set my heart racing.  Not only that, but every time I opened the email notification about the request for the rest of the day my heart stated racing again.  I had not even realized that I was that afraid of him finding out.

The profile under my real name is locked down tight.  I can't be searched, and all the fields are locked.  The photo is fairly androgynous.  But the email address I used is on my brother's address list so I've realized for a while now that I'm probably being suggested as a contact.  Not only that, but since part of my info is locked, if my brother actually clicked it he got a "Shannon does not share all her info...." message.  

The Facebook invite reminded me of just how much I have delayed on telling him.  I'll be out soon.  Near Christmas he will visit.  It would not be fair for me to put this off and let him find out what is going on when he sees me on his visit.  Inevitably he is going to find out and clearly the time is here.

I drafted a letter tonight.  I'm very impulsive and find myself wishing to just send it and find out what happens.  But his opinion matters a lot to me so I need to make absolutely sure I'm ready.  I'll think about it for a few days and then decide what to do.  Or rather when and how to do it.


shado_light said...

so set up a dummy meeting with a friend posing as you and see if he truly wants to get to know you better

Tina said...

You know how I am about writing letters but you gotta do what works for you honey. Hope all turns out well. :) I have a feeling he already knows. :p

Peace, <3 Tina

Stace said...

I'm with Tina, I would guess he knows.

Good luck telling him anyway,

Leslie Ann said...

I hope he already knows. It'll make the conversation a lot easier.

My brother was completely blindsided, but he has taken it well. He jokes appropriately about it, so there is real acceptance there. Maybe your experience will be similar.

Caroline said...

Of all those who I have told it was my sisters who had a momentary wobble as they came to terms with the news. I waited till I could tell them face to face and could almost read their thoughts as they each worked through their memories from a slightly different perspective of sister not brother and to realise that it all made a lot of sense.

Hope he too realises he has a wonderful sister and comes to show his love and support.

Caroline xxx

Two Auntees said...

Since my family is scattered across the US, waiting for a face to face meeting just wasn't going to happen, so I wrote a letter and included a pack of information. Still haven't joined them in a family get together.

They know, but not sure who they processed the information.

ms.shandy said...

Face to face has advantages. In my case I know the next tiem I will see him in person will be Christmas, and I don't want this to be everyone's focus then. I'd rather give him a chance to come to terms before then.

As So many of you mentioned I think he already knows. Back when I was early in laser he came for a visit while i was very patchy looking and he asked Mom in private what had happened to my face. She answered that she didn't know. On the same visit he happened into my closet looking for something.

Since that time he has been seeing and probably noticing my appearance gradually change through his visits. It has been a very long time now since he saw me last. Then there are the rumors, and he talks to people from here a lot.

Joni said...

It might be time for a phone call. Write the script first. He deserves the news in a timely manner, and it will be too long until face-to-face.