Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Shandy Alexis: Hormone Cocktail

Today is my 19th day on my hormone regimen, and so far I feel fine. I really would not recommend what I am doing to anyone. It is not that hard to get proper counseling, get a referral and safe, supervised hormone therapy. But I was just so desperate to get started. I'm always very aware of my mortality and the passage of time as December approaches with my birthday and new years. I decided back in February that I just could not see another birthday pass without knowing my physical transition is under way.

In the mirror, I m almost sure I look a little curvier in the waist and hips. But my measurements don't show any improvement that could not be written off to slight measurement errors. My breasts now actually have a little roundness and visibly comes to a point. Its a small difference but I have always just been ultra flat, and waht little was there had a squarish cut. So the new roundness is very encouraging even though its subtle.

I'm still very happy and have more energy than I can remember having in my adult life. 

But the best news: 


I had a bit of a scare this weekend. Some of the people from my Louisville support group were having dinner together, and the topic of unprescribed hormones came up. One of the girls had some absolute horror stories. 

I was a little worried that night and Sunday, but when I got home and read about the blood clot risks and other things, I worked myself into an absolute panic. 

It was a major wake up call and it finally gave me the incentive to call my therapist and ask for the referral. I have wanted to discuss it several times, but I'm always afraid the answer will be "No." or "Maybe you should wait?" Its asking someone to believe me about my gender. Its asking to believe I'm competent enough to manage transition starting with some pretty major obstacles. But I was finally afraid enough today to call and risk hearing that dreaded "No." 

And instead, I got what sounded more like an assurance that we can get the letter drawn up. I could not be happier. It still does not feel real. Me, working with an endocrinologist, on transition! So much else to sort out. But right now I'm just very relieved to be making progress on the physical aspects of transition.

For now I am continuing with my current regimen. Its a little scary, but it is short term. Soon I'll be dealing with an endocrinologist. YES!

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Halloween Festivities

Just backtracking a little because I didn't get a chance to write about Halloween, which was spectacular. But for me, it came a little early. On Saturday, October 25, I got to do something I've always wanted to do. I was able to do Halloween en femme! 

There was a huge LGBT party sponsored by a Louisville club, and held on one of the river boats that tour the Ohio River. Me and my most supportive friends had talked about going to it together for months, but we never got the costumes or anything. It was all talk. Then the weekend before, we went to Louisville together and had a wonderful time. Great dining, a visit with Debbie, and a Sienna meeting. When we got back from it, all decided to go and ordered our costumes only a week in advance.

The days leading up to the event were a little stressful. I had to plan how to sneak all my femme luggage out of the house for a second weekend in a row. One of my friend's costume never came. My other friend had another event that day that would leave us close on time getting to Louisville. 

I was so busy with getting ready, that I failed to eat all day, and didn't think of it until I was already sick. I spent the entire drive to Louisville nursing a killer headache.

But in the end, we made it. I recovered from my headdache just as we got into town. Two of the tickets we had to by on site were number 596 and 597, and we got parked barely before the boat started loading. Instead of Alice, the Mad Hatter, and Queen of Hearts, we ended up with no Alice and a King of Hearts. But it all worked out great!

Debbie came, as well as a lot of the Sienna girls. We claimed a couple of tables next to the bar and everyone had a spectacular time. Lots of dancing, drinkiing, and socializing. And wow, the boat was gorgeous. And the river looks amazing at night. Sometimes I stepped out on the deck to watch the city go by, reflected in the river. 

My girl Mad Hatter costume is the crazieset thing I have ever worn. I felt extremely self concious until I got there. But I got a few compliments and started feeling pretty good about myself. So at the age of 32, I finally got to spend a Halloween looking trashy! So stupid, but I have always wanted to do it at least once.

After the party we all ate at my favorite restaurant in Louisville, which is open til one am oddly. As we walked in, I was last in line, and a guy behind me on the street yelled "green's my color, girl!", in reference to the costume. Attention from a regular guy, out in the real world! And he called me "girl!" I was delighted.