Shandy Alexis: Hormone Cocktail

Today is my 19th day on my hormone regimen, and so far I feel fine. I really would not recommend what I am doing to anyone. It is not that hard to get proper counseling, get a referral and safe, supervised hormone therapy. But I was just so desperate to get started. I'm always very aware of my mortality and the passage of time as December approaches with my birthday and new years. I decided back in February that I just could not see another birthday pass without knowing my physical transition is under way.

In the mirror, I m almost sure I look a little curvier in the waist and hips. But my measurements don't show any improvement that could not be written off to slight measurement errors. My breasts now actually have a little roundness and visibly comes to a point. Its a small difference but I have always just been ultra flat, and waht little was there had a squarish cut. So the new roundness is very encouraging even though its subtle.

I'm still very happy and have more energy than I can remember having in my adult life. 

But the best news: 

**AT MY NEXT COUNSELING SESSION THE MAIN TOPIC IS MY REFERRAL LETTER!**

I had a bit of a scare this weekend. Some of the people from my Louisville support group were having dinner together, and the topic of unprescribed hormones came up. One of the girls had some absolute horror stories. 

I was a little worried that night and Sunday, but when I got home and read about the blood clot risks and other things, I worked myself into an absolute panic. 

It was a major wake up call and it finally gave me the incentive to call my therapist and ask for the referral. I have wanted to discuss it several times, but I'm always afraid the answer will be "No." or "Maybe you should wait?" Its asking someone to believe me about my gender. Its asking to believe I'm competent enough to manage transition starting with some pretty major obstacles. But I was finally afraid enough today to call and risk hearing that dreaded "No." 

And instead, I got what sounded more like an assurance that we can get the letter drawn up. I could not be happier. It still does not feel real. Me, working with an endocrinologist, on transition! So much else to sort out. But right now I'm just very relieved to be making progress on the physical aspects of transition.

For now I am continuing with my current regimen. Its a little scary, but it is short term. Soon I'll be dealing with an endocrinologist. YES!