Sunday, September 19, 2010

So Close

I'm under the gun, around here...
-Counting Crows

It's been a fairly uneventful week here.  Work was busy, but normal. Things were okay at home.  A few silly things happened related to transition and my presentation; as always.  The weekend was slow and relaxed.  

There is lots on my mind though.  I could decide to go to the courthouse soon and file for a name change.  Before that, I have to explain to my parents that I am going full time.  Then there is the matter of communicating with the next and final tier of management at work and deciding how to handle communication to the rest of my coworkers.

In two weeks I have my annual endocrinologist visit and  hope to  work in my first electrolysis appointment while in Lexington.  I've decided  facial laser hair removal has cleared what it's going to.   I'm hoping after one electrolysis appointment I'll have an idea of how long skin recovery will take after each session, and how many sessions it will take to finish my face.  Laser has done a fairly thorough job clearing the hair and I'm hoping a few electrolysis sessions will finish the job. :)

Transkentucky meets that same weekend, so I'll get to catch up with a few friends.  I can hardly wait!

The first weekend in October seems like such a long wait.  My existence here gets more awkward by the day.  My work presentation gets me identified as female anywhere else I go.  My constant worries about  perception at work continue to make social interaction awkward.  Its difficult existing between genders.  Right now I'm in a mood to burn bridges.   I want to change my name, go full time, and let everyone know.  Things will still be awkward, but at least I will be through trying to mix presentations and will finally be able to drop my guard and be myself.  There will be some degree of initial shock but going full tiem and finally living as my true gender will be much more comfortable than this peculair gender limbo I exist in now. 

The beginning of October is the next step.  Until then its a matter of waiting and my awkward dance on the border line between male and female.  


Anonymous said...

But you dance so beautifully. :)Suzi

Leslie Ann said...

A pity you missed the electrologist at the last meeting, very informative. She said that your face should look normal within an hour or two, but might want to avoid makeup for 12 hours or so to avoid infection.

Thrilled to hear you'll be in town for the next meeting. I've missed you!

Amy K. said...

My face was wrecked for the remainder of the evening following electrolysis. I always had it done after work (5 or 6 PM), and then the next morning, it was tender but only slightly red. I wish you the best of luck with going full time. I remember how happy I was when I made the change. I don't think I'll ever forget it. :)

Caroline said...

In many ways being on the edge of full time is just about the most frustrating time living the double life and not being honest with the world. It is like flying through turbulence and clear air is just ahead and you will fly free.

We are as anxious for you to make as you are.

Caroline xxx