Saturday, June 26, 2010

Presentation Changes

For some reason I was feeling really brave yesterday.  Not only did I go crazy and post a v-log of me practicing singing at the far upper end of my vocal range, but I changed up my presentation at work!  

It started simply.  I had been talking to my friend Rebecca online a bit during the week, and I kept saying I was going to wear eye makeup to work.  Friday felt like a good day for it, so after I finished my usual morning routine, I opened the makeup kit and quickly added some mascara.  Then I couldn't stop!  I thought of how much more confident I would be with a little powder to even my complexion.  Then I had to add a little color back to my cheeks.  At that point the mascara was nearly set and it seemed silly not to have a bit of eye shadow, so I applied a reddish natural tone to the lids and brushed it outward.  Having done everything else, I decided my lips should match, so I put on a light coat of coral colored gloss.

In the end, some of my favorite London Jeans and a stretchy tank top ended up in the mix too, leaving no men's items in my look except the usual Doc Marten's and a seersucker button up, partially buttoned.  I felt a little nervous as I pushed open the door at work, but nothing really dramatic happened.  There were a few curious looks through the day, but not a word was said about it.  

I think I have pushed my work look as far as I possibly can without coming out now.  Which means I've given people as much warning as I really have a way to before the announcement.  On the 5th, I leave for a vacation in Maine with my family.  When I'm back, depending on how the laser treatment is holding up, I might open communication with management on the subject of my transition.

Looks like I do get another contract year, as the papers are  on my coffee table.  A lot can happen in that year.  Time will tell! :)

On a side note the co-worker who invited me out to lunch never asked any really personal questions.  "What are your future plans?" was as close to the subject as the conversation ever went.  Me and a few of the girls at the office have had lunch together three times since that invite, and my initial sense that she was trying to feel out what is going on with me has faded.  Now it feels more like they are just trying to include me, which is just incredibly sweet.  

Things are going well with my boss right now too.  The week started off rocky, with a disagreement over the allocation of some technology resources.  Long story but it ended up with me feeling disrespected and like my boss was siding with the other tech over me for invalid reasons, and with him feeling basically like the whole world was out to get him.  Wednesday he asked to talk with me and we went over our feelings on the whole thing.  We ended up leaving with a better understanding of each other's positions and there were apologies from both sides.  Since then, things have been much less stressful.

At one point we talked about training up one of our summer workers, maybe to fill a position in the future.  I said "It might be a good.  The board coud want rid of me at any time! Ha!"  He never asked why I would think that, and didn't blow off the comment as a joke either, though I phrased it as one.  He just said very seriosuly, "That won't happen.  As long as you keep doing your job.",  or something very near that in meaning.  

Hmm, keep doing your job.  I believe I will.... :)


Amy K. said...

I think you're doing a great job! You look BEAUTIFUL in these pics. Those cheekbones, wow! I don't think your fellow employees or management should have a single doubt in their mind as to where you're going or who you really are inside... but then again, denial can be an ugly thing. You however, most certainly are not! :)

Two Auntees said...

I would say that people you work closest with have a good idea of whats going to happen. They know more than they are telling and are just accepting. It's great that the girls are including you at lunch, I believe they are trying to support you by getting to know you better.

like the eyes, the smile and your hair.

You go girl!

Melissa said...

For all intents and purposes, you have already come out. Your presentation is unmistakably female. I agree with Sarah. The people you work with know what you are up to, but have just been too polite to ask you any direct questions, and the girls do seem to be accepting you as one of them. I think that is wonderful!

Melissa XX

Suzi said...

I'm with Melissa...if you went to work looking like these pics...YOU'RE OUT...and I don't mean the throw beat you to home plate

Wow girl! I think you need to keep wearing that look except next time wear some heels instead of the Docs.

Your natural look in these pics is very pretty. Your happiness and confidence are becoming palpable. Keep it up! :)Suzi

lisalisa said...

You look really great.
I honestly cant see that they will be surprised at all when you tell them formally.
They just have to see the woman standing right in front of them!

ms.shandy said...

Thanks everyone! I do think I'm basically out in my home town now. And people seem pretty tolerant. Actually posting a little update now.