Monday, June 28, 2010

Presentation Changes: Update

My last post was on changing up my local presentation, and this is just a little follow up.  Saturday was pharmacy day, so I made my monthly 1 hour drive to the CVS I have used for the past year.  As usual, I didn't feel like presenting male to pick up my meds, and picked out a nice casual outfit.  Unlike usual, instead of changing and doing makeup in the car, I left the house  presenting the way I wanted, except for one extra shirt.  :P

Mom and Dad seemed okay with it, and sent me to run errands for them while I was out.  I picked up stuff for them at the local Dollar General.  One of the customers there thought I was an employee for some reason and started asking me where to find an item.  We chatted comfortably after I explained I wasn't an employee.  Guess I wasn't looking to scary!  When I got farther away from my home town I dropped the extra top and got to present properly.  Everything went as smooth as silk.

Monday, I decided that I didn't want to move backward in presentation and settled on making a fairly complete makeup job a regular part of my work look, since it went okay Friday.  Today went just as well, even though I added styled hair to the look.  My makeup held up to the hot work environment and no one said anything mean to me.

I had lunch at Dairy Queen and one of the newer employees who has only waited on me twice before was at the register. When I presented my credit card, a manager stepped over  to assist, and the clerk actually said "I've got her." Of course, people fail to use the pronoun they mean to on occasion, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything.  Did she actually perceive me as female, despite the baggy shirt and giant shoes?  

Last week, another girl there was teasing me about my hair, and came by my table a couple of days later to apologize and gave me a big hug.  My impression is that someone told her about me sometime after that encounter.  So maybe this other girl said her because thats what she saw, or maybe she said it because she knows my story, or maybe a little of both. :P

For the most part it was a good day.  I feel so much more confident wearing makeup, and it really takes stress out of my days and is fun in the mornings.   

I guess really, in the course I am on, being out and tolerated is just a short distance from full time and tolerated in my home town. That has always been a dream to me. I love the people here, and my family, and it would be so nice feeling like I still fit here. Eventually I want to be able to move somewhere that I can start over and go "stealth" as they say. I'd be a lot more comfortable somewhere that people aren't familiar with the way I was before; a clean slate where I can start anew, free to express myself without worrying about my former life effecting people's perception.

But it would be nice to always know I can come home and still be safe and welcome. Before I started transition, that felt out of reach. A I go it seems more plausible all the time.


Leslie Ann said...

Wow. Our girl is turning a corner. I'm delighted that your work is okay with the new(er) you. And your parents!

The theme to the Mary Tyler Moore Show just popped into my head: You're gonna make it after all.

Nothng quite like a positive attitude to part the waters. You rock, Ms. Shandy!

Anonymous said...

Great blog. You should see my smile!
We are at a very similar place right now.

Anonymous said...

Shandy, I think you have many more happy days to look forward to.

One thought jumped in my mind when you mentioned your desire to move and go stealth. What occurred to me was that you have expressed a desire to someday find the right man and marry. If you move and try to go stealth without having fully transitioned, will this become a problem if you do meet someone?

Just a thought. I totally understand why you want to move and go stealth. It seems like the complications of transition just never end, huh? :)Suzi

Caroline said...

That smile can take you where ever you want to go now.

Caroline xxx