A Suprise

Fascinating week here.  Work was absolutely wild and I've got a lot done.  Things at home have been comparatively tranquil.  More importantly though, my perception of my situation here as suddenly changed drastically.

A bit back I posted that because of some events out of town, that I was questioning how effective my presentation was and how much people around me have guessed or heard at this point.  Since that time, there has been more local evidence that people definitely know something is up, though I'm still left with lots of questions.

Most of the evidence is trivial stuff in conversation.  Students just definitely seem to see whats happening.  More and more, lots of them seem supportive.  Many take the time to say hi every time they see me at this point, and I even get some encouraging compliments from time to time.  Last week I was at the middle school and as I was hastily making my way down the hall to a job, a girl passing the other direction reached out to offer a high five. :)

With adults, things are improving as well.  People who seemed a bit uneasy about me as my appearance started to shift seem to be finding a comfort level with me now.  Maybe they have figured it out and are dealing with it now that the mystery is solved.  Maybe the newness and shock of my unusual presentation has worn off. Really it is hard to know.  But I have noticed that certain people go out of their away to avoid using male titles and pronouns for me unnecessarily.

Last week, I did something I've wanted to do forever.  I apologized to my ex from back in my high school and college days.  We dated for three years after meeting near the end of high school, and then married.  It was all a huge mistake, and a few months later she left and we had the marriage anulled.  Since then we have not been in touch often, but at one point she called to apologize for the manner in which she left, because she was suffering with guilt.

I always felt awful about simply accepting that apology, because really it was all my fault.  I misrepresented myself on so many levels in that relationship, and there was really no chance it could have lasted.  I was the one who should have ben apologizing to her, and this week, I finally found her online and explained everything.

It turned out she already knew.  She saw me on Thanksgiving weekend in 2008, when she came to visit my parents.  At the time, I knew she expected.  After all, she did tell me that at first she thought I was my mom.  She is telling me now that she had it pretty much figured out at that point. Besides that, her mother has since mentioned to her that a relative saw me in London, KY wearing a dress.

I had always thought that I might have been recognized there, as it is one of the closer, larger towns from here and lots of us go over.  As a tech working in a crowded school, there are more people who know me, than people I know.  Besides that, I have worked here for eight years, which means lots of graduates who are out working and living all over south eastern Kentucky could probably recognize me.

Back at one point, I wrote about a cashier asking me why I was in a dress in wig (when I was actually wearing my natural hair) over in London.  One possibility on why I was read has always been that they recognized me from school, and I simply didn't remember them.  Seems likely now that is the case.

So now I finally know definitively that at least some people in my community know.  Something like that doesn't happen without causing rumors when you live in a small town. With appearance changes corroborating  the rumor, I'd say I'm pretty much out on some level.  That thought was scary at first after our conversation, but then I realized, that really that I've always wished people could know the truth, and now apparently they do.

My boss has been complimenting my work, I feel secure at my job, and more welcome in this community than ever before.  Now I'm finding out that is all happening even with people at least partially knowing my situation.  As my contract comes up for renewal two months from now, I find myself wondering what happens next, but with more curiosity than fear. :)