Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Just me. Nothing more. A simple, honest snapshot of an awkward, but exciting and wonderful point in my transition. I've always been afraid to post videos. Seeing photos is one thing, while seeing and hearing me, its just scary imagining what people will think. Today I decided the best way to get past that fear would be to start with a video that shows me without any of the props I use to define my image. No dresses, no makeup, no carefully ironed hair. Just the natural me. I did it partially because I know there's no need to fear the camera, once I've presented myself like this. And partially because this blog is meant to document transition and this is a phase in my personal journey. This is the version of me that the world sees everyday. The boy mode version that gets laughed at in new restaurants. The version that everyone around me is trying to understand. The me of the moment. And I am fine with that, and comfortable presenting it. This incarnation is a means to an end. A step in a process. A bridge to the life I know I am meant to have.


Rebecca said...

Hi Shandy. I think the natural you is beautiful and secure in who you are, and very brave to post this video since it seems like it was not an easy thing for you to do. Even though people around you may not understand the changes you’re undergoing, the important thing is that you do and you know you this is the right path for you. Your beauty doesn’t come from make-up and dresses, it comes from who you are and what’s inside. And your outside looks pretty good too! And I love your voice and especially your accent! I always look forward to your new blog entries and hearing about your thoughts and feelings and how your journey is going. You rock girl!


Jerica said...

Wow Shandy! You look beautiful! I find it hard that you pass as a guy at all =) And your voice, wow! It's so feminine!

Lori D said...

Shandy, I will just say you're way ahead of the ballgame in my opinion! More important than the heavy layers of makeup and attire is the ability to step up with self confidence, and girl you are shining brightly! I so appreciate this and know the impact something as simple as a vlog can have on so many others who are walking their own path.

Now, didn't shooting that vlog feel great? :) You make me want to do another one!

Venessia said...

You are so brave and honest! I am really proud of you for being true to who you are and presenting so openly. You are giving encouragement to many. Its going to be an exciting new year for you!

VĂ©ronique said...

I second what Jerica wrote. Except for the bits of facial hair, it's hard for me to believe that you can be read as male. I don't see any "male angles." Your voice is outstanding! And your presentation is wonderfully disarming. I know you were nervous doing this video, but I think you put yourself across very well -- without makeup or any of the other things you do.

Jenna said...

Thank you for this vlog Shandy. I am very impressed with your openness and courage. I too find myself at a stage in my transition where I seem to be caught in the middle between male and female. I still work in male mode, but get a lot of funny looks because my body has changed a lot in the last year. I feel like I either look like an extremely feminine male, or a somewhat masculine female. It is hard for me to imagine anyone seeing you as male, even with your remnants of facial hair. You are doing great, and your voice is very feminine, an area where I feel like I am lacking. I guess we all vary in how our particular "cards" have been dealt, and each possess strengths and weaknesses in different areas. I am so proud of you for posting this. This is an extremely difficult journey, and I can identify with what you go through on a daily basis. Take care of yourself.. You are an awesome woman!

dr.morbius said...

Oh, you are going to be SO successful. Please pardon my insane envy.

Leslie Ann said...

I think I've said a lot of the same things as the above in the last year and a half. Now are you starting to believe it? You look great, as always. When you finish the laser, you won't even need makeup. You can just hand it over to a more unfortunate soul, like...wait, I'll think of someone...me? Kidding! I hope you keep doing these, girlfriend. Then I'll see you more than once a month.

ms.shandy said...

Thanks so much everyone! This was really hard for me to post, and right up until Rebecca's comment, I wasn't sure it was even a good idea. Now I'm glad I did though.

@rebecca Thanks for commenting so quickly. I needed that reassurance. =)

@jerica and lori It is so wild that you both happened to comment. You are two of the ladies who sold me on what a great communication tool this can be.

@venessia If somehow I manage to encourage anyone, then I'll be very happy. Thats defnitely one of my major goals.

@veronique I'm glad you feel I came across well. I was an absolute nervous wreck! And my voice is always a a worry for me too, so thanks for mentioning that. Really this is fun though. =)

@jenna These in-between phases can definitely be awkward. Especially the work part. People don't quite know what to make of me anymore at work either. I see it as a positive thing though. I hate being perceived as a man. So when I see that flash of recognition, like someone caught something about my body that didn't fit with their perception of me as male, I take pride in it. It could cause me trouble.

@ dr. mobius Thanks! And you are just lovely. =)

@leslie ann I do feel a little better about myself. As for makeup, I think I'll be needing mine a long, long time. LOL!