Presentation Changes: Update

My last post was on changing up my local presentation, and this is just a little follow up.  Saturday was pharmacy day, so I made my monthly 1 hour drive to the CVS I have used for the past year.  As usual, I didn't feel like presenting male to pick up my meds, and picked out a nice casual outfit.  Unlike usual, instead of changing and doing makeup in the car, I left the house  presenting the way I wanted, except for one extra shirt.  :P

Mom and Dad seemed okay with it, and sent me to run errands for them while I was out.  I picked up stuff for them at the local Dollar General.  One of the customers there thought I was an employee for some reason and started asking me where to find an item.  We chatted comfortably after I explained I wasn't an employee.  Guess I wasn't looking to scary!  When I got farther away from my home town I dropped the extra top and got to present properly.  Everything went as smooth as silk.

Monday, I decided that I didn't want to move backward in presentation and settled on making a fairly complete makeup job a regular part of my work look, since it went okay Friday.  Today went just as well, even though I added styled hair to the look.  My makeup held up to the hot work environment and no one said anything mean to me.

I had lunch at Dairy Queen and one of the newer employees who has only waited on me twice before was at the register. When I presented my credit card, a manager stepped over  to assist, and the clerk actually said "I've got her." Of course, people fail to use the pronoun they mean to on occasion, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything.  Did she actually perceive me as female, despite the baggy shirt and giant shoes?  

Last week, another girl there was teasing me about my hair, and came by my table a couple of days later to apologize and gave me a big hug.  My impression is that someone told her about me sometime after that encounter.  So maybe this other girl said her because thats what she saw, or maybe she said it because she knows my story, or maybe a little of both. :P

For the most part it was a good day.  I feel so much more confident wearing makeup, and it really takes stress out of my days and is fun in the mornings.   

I guess really, in the course I am on, being out and tolerated is just a short distance from full time and tolerated in my home town. That has always been a dream to me. I love the people here, and my family, and it would be so nice feeling like I still fit here. Eventually I want to be able to move somewhere that I can start over and go "stealth" as they say. I'd be a lot more comfortable somewhere that people aren't familiar with the way I was before; a clean slate where I can start anew, free to express myself without worrying about my former life effecting people's perception.

But it would be nice to always know I can come home and still be safe and welcome. Before I started transition, that felt out of reach. A I go it seems more plausible all the time.

Presentation Changes

For some reason I was feeling really brave yesterday.  Not only did I go crazy and post a v-log of me practicing singing at the far upper end of my vocal range, but I changed up my presentation at work!  

It started simply.  I had been talking to my friend Rebecca online a bit during the week, and I kept saying I was going to wear eye makeup to work.  Friday felt like a good day for it, so after I finished my usual morning routine, I opened the makeup kit and quickly added some mascara.  Then I couldn't stop!  I thought of how much more confident I would be with a little powder to even my complexion.  Then I had to add a little color back to my cheeks.  At that point the mascara was nearly set and it seemed silly not to have a bit of eye shadow, so I applied a reddish natural tone to the lids and brushed it outward.  Having done everything else, I decided my lips should match, so I put on a light coat of coral colored gloss.

In the end, some of my favorite London Jeans and a stretchy tank top ended up in the mix too, leaving no men's items in my look except the usual Doc Marten's and a seersucker button up, partially buttoned.  I felt a little nervous as I pushed open the door at work, but nothing really dramatic happened.  There were a few curious looks through the day, but not a word was said about it.  

I think I have pushed my work look as far as I possibly can without coming out now.  Which means I've given people as much warning as I really have a way to before the announcement.  On the 5th, I leave for a vacation in Maine with my family.  When I'm back, depending on how the laser treatment is holding up, I might open communication with management on the subject of my transition.

Looks like I do get another contract year, as the papers are  on my coffee table.  A lot can happen in that year.  Time will tell! :)

On a side note the co-worker who invited me out to lunch never asked any really personal questions.  "What are your future plans?" was as close to the subject as the conversation ever went.  Me and a few of the girls at the office have had lunch together three times since that invite, and my initial sense that she was trying to feel out what is going on with me has faded.  Now it feels more like they are just trying to include me, which is just incredibly sweet.  

Things are going well with my boss right now too.  The week started off rocky, with a disagreement over the allocation of some technology resources.  Long story but it ended up with me feeling disrespected and like my boss was siding with the other tech over me for invalid reasons, and with him feeling basically like the whole world was out to get him.  Wednesday he asked to talk with me and we went over our feelings on the whole thing.  We ended up leaving with a better understanding of each other's positions and there were apologies from both sides.  Since then, things have been much less stressful.

At one point we talked about training up one of our summer workers, maybe to fill a position in the future.  I said "It might be a good.  The board coud want rid of me at any time! Ha!"  He never asked why I would think that, and didn't blow off the comment as a joke either, though I phrased it as one.  He just said very seriosuly, "That won't happen.  As long as you keep doing your job.",  or something very near that in meaning.  

Hmm, keep doing your job.  I believe I will.... :)

V-Log 2: Vocal Work Out

This was jsut posted to youtube as a test. I was playing with the capabilities of my new phone and recorded myself "singing".  Then I decided to see how youtube publishing worked.  So it ended up online.  This is really really bad, I warn you in advance.  It's just one of the songs I use quite often to stretch the range of my voice.  I always sing it right at the upper end of my voice, the more I practice.  So, I always sound strained, since I'm vocally at the end of my rope through out.  Not to mention that I'm borderline tone deaf and don't pay a lot of attention to cadence.  A musician I am not.


The point though isn't sounding good. Its just exercising and trying to find your voice.  Actually speaking is really better practice, but this has its place I think. I feel its been beneficial for me at least.  The song is an old folk song I used to hear sometimes on an old Peter, Paul, and Marry LP.  Always found it lovely.  Though, not when I do it. :P


Anyway, sing in the shower, sing in the car!  Its therapeutic, it expands your voice, and its just good fun, even if you suck.


Oh, and I was in guy mode while I was playing with my phone so I look pretty rough.  Wow, I'm big on disclaimers, am I not?


Don't be too harsh.  :P