Facing Fears.

There has been so much happening this year, and I'm sorry I'v not had time to write about most of it properly.  I had to stop by and write this one up though.  After lots of financial wrangling, some research, and a little planning, I am scheduled to go to Guadalajara Mexico in two weeks for facial feminization and breast augmentation.

It has been a hard decision for me.  I could have afforded GRS almost with the money this will cost.  But your face is the first thing people see when they meet you, and while I have been blessed in a lot of ways, there are some things that combined with my height are a dead giveaway.  Since I have been full time I have come to the conclusion that while I am mostly passable in brief encounters, like dining out, passing people in the mall and such. There are other situations where it's a lot harder.  At work or in social situations, people see you day after day, in every kind of lighting, at every angle, and eventually your full range of facial expressions.  Under that kind of scrutiny, the occasional glimpse of an adam's apple, or a heavy brow shading your eyes a bit too much and people can get enough evidence to draw conclusions.

Until this year, I thought I wanted to try to get by without facial feminization, or at least try to manage without doing it until after GRS.  In the end though this is needed for pass-ability and will help my confidence a lot.  If things go well I think it will leave me passable enough that when I decide to relocate, I can interview comfortably knowing that being trans isn't part of the equation at all. Of course that confidence will make work and everyday interaction easier too.

I have decided not to have any work done on my lower face.  What I will have done is forehead restructuring, a brow lift, and a tracheal shave.  I will probably drop some links summarizing the procedures as the date approaches.

In addition, I am considering breast augmentation as well.  My plan has always been to wait until I am near the end of my growth potential to see if I have a chance at becoming a fairly full A cup on my own. While it was looking hopeful for a while about a year ago, it is pretty obvious now that it is not happening.  My growth spurts have been rare, short lived and almost undetectable in the last 8 months, and I will have been on hormones for 3 years very soon.

Right now implants are on my surgery schedule, but I am still researching it and trying to make up my mind even as the date of my surgery approaches.  I'm almost sure I will go through with it, but just not quite sure.

I'll keep you posted, and I'll try to post before and after photos soon!  For those interested, I am going to Dr. Lazaro Cardenas for the work.  He gets great reviews on FFS newsgroups and seems to have excellent credentials and associations.  In email correspondence he has been very courteous and helpful.

More to come soon!