Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Facing Fears.

There has been so much happening this year, and I'm sorry I'v not had time to write about most of it properly.  I had to stop by and write this one up though.  After lots of financial wrangling, some research, and a little planning, I am scheduled to go to Guadalajara Mexico in two weeks for facial feminization and breast augmentation.

It has been a hard decision for me.  I could have afforded GRS almost with the money this will cost.  But your face is the first thing people see when they meet you, and while I have been blessed in a lot of ways, there are some things that combined with my height are a dead giveaway.  Since I have been full time I have come to the conclusion that while I am mostly passable in brief encounters, like dining out, passing people in the mall and such. There are other situations where it's a lot harder.  At work or in social situations, people see you day after day, in every kind of lighting, at every angle, and eventually your full range of facial expressions.  Under that kind of scrutiny, the occasional glimpse of an adam's apple, or a heavy brow shading your eyes a bit too much and people can get enough evidence to draw conclusions.

Until this year, I thought I wanted to try to get by without facial feminization, or at least try to manage without doing it until after GRS.  In the end though this is needed for pass-ability and will help my confidence a lot.  If things go well I think it will leave me passable enough that when I decide to relocate, I can interview comfortably knowing that being trans isn't part of the equation at all. Of course that confidence will make work and everyday interaction easier too.

I have decided not to have any work done on my lower face.  What I will have done is forehead restructuring, a brow lift, and a tracheal shave.  I will probably drop some links summarizing the procedures as the date approaches.

In addition, I am considering breast augmentation as well.  My plan has always been to wait until I am near the end of my growth potential to see if I have a chance at becoming a fairly full A cup on my own. While it was looking hopeful for a while about a year ago, it is pretty obvious now that it is not happening.  My growth spurts have been rare, short lived and almost undetectable in the last 8 months, and I will have been on hormones for 3 years very soon.

Right now implants are on my surgery schedule, but I am still researching it and trying to make up my mind even as the date of my surgery approaches.  I'm almost sure I will go through with it, but just not quite sure.

I'll keep you posted, and I'll try to post before and after photos soon!  For those interested, I am going to Dr. Lazaro Cardenas for the work.  He gets great reviews on FFS newsgroups and seems to have excellent credentials and associations.  In email correspondence he has been very courteous and helpful.

More to come soon!


Melissa said...

Well, all I can say sweetie, is that anymore feminization of that already very pretty delicate face, and you are going to have to beat the guys off with a stick! Although I think you are just fine as you are, I can understand your desire to perfect your look. We all have to satisfy ourselves, before we can ever be fully confident around others. Best of luck on your surgery! I can't wait to see your before and after pictures:

Before - Sweet pretty Shandy.
After - Drop dead gorgeous Shandy!

Melissa XOXO

Caroline said...

I am with Melissa and the need to carry a stick but I have to say that it has always surprised me that so many put the GRS ahead of the procedure which pays off every moment of you waking life when facing the world.

I like to wash and go, if the door bell rings first thing with a delivery I grab a dressing gown and run for the door. With so much of life ahead of you this will pay off for you as you describe.

Best of luck with this smart move.

Caroline xxx

Debra said...

Congratz girl!!! =) Wishing you luck =)

Sylvia Rose said...

I agree with Melissa and Caroline. I think a big stick with a blade that looks vaguely like the grim reaper will be needed.

Wishing you well. I'll be thinking of you that day as you know I'll be under a different knife.

Oo la la, I do hope it works out! Then we can discuss and I can get the gorey scoop.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Melissa is right about the guys. HOWEVER!...I rather suspect you will lean your head back, put the back of your hand to your forehead as you swoon about how faint you feel...will one of you strong young men help me? :)

I'm so tickled that you are able to do this. I also think you are making the right decision...your self image is what's most important.

PLEASE write MORE :)Suzi

ms.shandy said...

Thanks everyone. You're all just awesome! And Suzi, I am going to find time to write more. It's been hectic lately, but things are about to settle down.

So much to catch up on though. I have barely written about the amazing acceptance I am getting in my community, an then there's my wonderful relationship with my beloved Kay, which I have barely touched upon past our initial meeting. LOL!

After Mexico, it should be lots easier to get time to write. But until then, I'm going to try my best to keep things current. :)

Amy K. said...

Shandy, I knew everyone would say it before I even got to the comments section. You are uncommonly beautiful for a transwoman. I can't see the flaws you speak about, but perhaps you've omitted some photos where you feel they show too much? But you go, girl, and make yourself happy. Life is too short to be anything but happy. I look forward to reading about your journey, and as others said, seeing the "before and after pics!"

Vaya con dios!

Anonymous said...

Hi Shandy! Sorry so late to the party. (I was out cruising the Caribbean for a while) :) I am so happy for you. Congratulations on what must have been a very difficult decision! If my calculations are correct, you are either just about to leave for Mexico or have just left. Either way, be strong and find joy wherever you can.

And when you get back, you'll have to tell me all about your surgeon... I'm in the market as well. ;)

Best of luck to you!
Much love,

Andi P said...

Any updates on your surgery? I see the new profile pic and you look great!

ms.shandy said...

Thanks for asking, Andi! Things went well and I've been meaing to write for a while. But recovery has been tiring. I'm always starved and tired, so if I'm not working I'm always either eating or sleeping. I haven't taken photos since that profile photo, but since then the swelling and bruising have improved a lot. I'll probably write tonight! Or if not, then definitely tomorrow. :)

And thanks to Amy and Kate too. A Caribbean trip sounds great! Hope it was amazing.

Cynthia said...

Hi Ms Shandy,
I'm new to the neighborhood. So much reading to do. It seems that you have been a very busy girl lately. All the pictures I've seen so far are gorgeous, I can't imagine you're needing any surgery but SRS. You are such an inspiration to the rest of us. Oh so looking forward to seeing your latest photos and comments.
I will continue to pray for you and the rest of us girls as it seems we can use all the help we can get.
God bless all...

Cynthia said...

Hi Ms Shandy,

Just checking to make sure I haven't missed any recent updates on your surgeries. I have been praying for you daily for good healing and promising life. You have been such an inspiration to all of us, I hope everything is alright. Looking forward to hearing more.

Much prayer...


Roberta said...

I would love to chat with u regarding your experiances with Dr. Cardenes. I am planning the full mean deal as well. Congrations so far.

ms.shandy said...

@Roberta Look me up on Yahoo if you want to chat about Cardenas. I'd be happy to.

Val R said...

Hi Ms Shandy -

Total 100% agreement with others on "this woman is gorgeous!" I can't believe you needed anything done, but if you're happy, then great!

I'm considering Cardenas as well and would love to know more about your experience with him and his staff, and of course, whether you're pleased with the results. I've read some very positive things over the years about his work and only two people were mildly displeased with his work.

Do you plan to blog about your experience?