Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Laser, Of A Different Sort. (TRIA)

Recently, I posted that I'm about to try a new laser provider. Today, I am a bit nervous about yet another laser decision.

For several months, I have been seeing TRIA lasers on QVC, and wondering whether they are legitimate. I've started to research several times, but I always get sidetracked. After my last post, Jamiegottagun dropped a comment, mentioning that she was considering that as a possible laser solution at some point. Well, Jamie has always seemed to me a no nonsense kind of girl, and not the type to fall for goofy infomercials, so I decided it probably was worth looking into.

For me, this is not something I hope to be a magic bullet, to completely remove every unwanted hair on my entire body. Basically all I want is something that will permanently reduce my leg and arm hair to more tolerable levels, and clear a few other areas that are a bit problematic for me. To do that at a skin spa with commercial laser would cost thousands. So an alternative at $630 sounds intriguing.

I do think, after looking around online that this is a legitimate product. Most negative reviews seem to come from either unrealistic expectations, impatience, or those trying to use it on hair types it doesn't even claim to work on. It is FDA approved to advertise for permanent hair reduction, which is reassuring. Plus, its rare to see gimmicky, completely non-functional products in this price range. Most people trying to sell something like that, pick a much lower price point, to pull in customers, knowing that most won't bother to hassle with the return process to recoup the loss.

Sold direct through TRIA, this laser has a 1 year warranty, and a 90 day return policy. QVC sells them and has a 30 day no questions asked policy about any returns. They generally don't bother carrying non-functioanl products in this price range.

Also, there are occasional intelligent reviews, where someone bothers to state their hair type and skin tone are both in the right range, who report pretty spectacular results. Better than I need in many instances.

So, ny new hair removal strategy? Skin Solutions in LExington can do my face, and I'll try taking care of everything form the neck down myself, with TRIA. My hope is that between my hormone regimens gradual reduction and TRIA, that I can make my legs and arms more managable and eliminate most of the other hair on my body. After 8 months of TRIA, I'll switch back to epilating to yank out remaining hair, in hopes that the gradual plucking damaged, combined with hormones, will leave me with very little hair requiring electrolysis.

By the end of this year, maybe I'll be mostly hair free, and be in a good situation for switching to electrolysis for the remaining resistant facial hair and other remaining hair that is in places awkward enough to concern me.

I just put the order in today so lots of new laser things will be happening over the next couple of weeks. I feel pretty bad about the cost, but the alternative is so much more. If I can get worthwhile results out of this little device, its going to make my whole transition so much cheaper.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Oh no! Another Laser Blog!

I've not been to laser since early October, but many parts of my face and neck are still nearly clear. I've never felt this good about the way I look.

Still, I have decided to try something different. My current laser operator is only open Monday through Friday, and keeps very short office areas on Fridays. Because of this, I have had to take personal days to take care of my laser treatments so far, making it hard to go as often as I should.

This week, as I was contemplating calling my old laser place, my heart kept telling me I should instead check out a laser treatment spa many of my friends in Lexington were using. I couldn't shake this feeling that I needed to switch, and I put off the call for a while to think about it. When I finally did call the current place, the phone was on auto-attendant and the mail box was full. At that point, I decided I should just trust my intuition and try the other place.

I called and found they were very pleasant, and offered a variety of advantages over the operator I see now. They do Saturday appointments, are an hour closer, and cheaper as well. I'll be able to go every 6-8 week instead of once every 3 months, since I don't have to use personal days. Hopefully this will make it a little faster to get the results I need.

Still I'm nervous about switching. Its hard leaving when something was working. This will be a new operator, who will probably want to start at safe, low settings and work back up to something more effective. Also, it will be a different technology. To this point, I have been using IPL, intense pulsed light. At the new place, I'll be receiving actual laser treatments. IPL is actually very easy on the skin, and has even helped my complexion. I don't think laser has the positive skin effects, and that, I'm going to miss. I also don't know which is more effective on light skin with dark, deep rooted hair. Another concern is that I will be switching from a licensed dermatologist, to someone who's training is a lot shorter and more specific.

I'm excited, and a little nervous. I hope this continues to be effective, and that my skin handles it well. But I think I am making the right decision. The price is better, I'll have better scheduling options, and the opportunity to go much more often. Plus, its in a town where I actually know people. That is always nice. Others are getting great results, so we'll see. My fingers are crossed.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Do I Ask So Much?

I had a magnificent New Year's. Thursday through Saturday were just such wonderful times that they felt surreal. I find myself wishing I had written about it while that dream-like quality still lingered. Instead though, I find myself isolated and upset, trying to recount the best few days I have had in quite a long time. Mom hurt my feelings this morning, and I upset her. Now resentment, anger, fear and guilt taint my mood. I do not wish to hurt anyone. All I want to do is take this precious little drop of time that is life, and try to make it happy. I want to be myself. I don't want my life to be like tip toeing through a mine field, never knowing when some small step or innocent movement will trigger an emotional explosion. I want to be free to run, to dance, to live openly. Why can't people accept me for who I am, instead of being so upset by every little thing I do?

As I said, New Year's Eve and the following day were spectacular. Lisa was kind enough to invite me and several of my friends to her house for a New Year's get together. I decided to ring in the new year in style, so instead of wearing jeans, I decided to go with a scarlet red, cowl neck, sweater dress. After I got ready for the party, I ran out to take care of one of my New Year's resolutions. I had decided a while back that this was the day I was going to pierce my ears. We needed a few party supplies, so I chose Wal-Mart for the piercing job. I thought about changing back into something more casual for the trip, but my friends assured me that I looked great and that everything would be okay.

I decided just to wear the dress. Finally getting my ears pierced is symbolic for me, and it felt as momentous as a Hollywood Awards ceremony. The dress was fine.

I was nervous as I arrived at Wal-Mart. Usually I have friends around when I am in public these days, and walking in to Wal-Mart alone conjured memories from less passable times in my past. Being decidedly overdressed, and in bright red no less, added to the awkward feeling. But everything went smoothly. Actually, many of the men in the store gave me, obviously appraising looks, and none of the women got that annoyed look that says "look at that gaudy, ridiculously dressed tranny. " Instead I just got quick, subtle up and down look, with no obvious emotion behind the eyes.

When I got to the jewelry counter and asked about piercing, the very polite clerk informed me that the girl who does piercing had just stepped away for lunch. It turns out she meant that very literally, as as she was barely outside of the jewelry area. So close in fact, that she over heard us. She turned and explained that she would be back in about an hour if I would care to come back, then asked whether the piercing was for me, and I said that it was. I left wondering "Hmm, did she identify me as a cross dressed male and decide the piercing must be for someone else, or do I just look to old to still need pierced, so that she instead thought I must be bringing a child?" It actually turned out to be the latter, but I had an hour to wonder before I found out. LOL!

I managed to spread out the party supply shopping for the hour. It was actually very pleasant. I ended up in every department in the store. No laughs, no stares. I think the most flattering moment was when I was looking for sparkling grape juice, and a guy came by and tried awkwardly to start a conversation with me, about how Wal-Mart always moves things and makes them hard to find. He was actually kind of cute too! :)

As I checked out with the groceries, I was in a huge line, but again, no one stared, laughed or hassled me in any way. The girl who rung up my groceries chatted away, asking me questions about the New Year's party, going by my outfit and the items I had in my cart. She was obviously very much at ease with me. As the greeter checked my receipt, she complimented me continually. "You look so pretty!" She said at least twice. Also she complimented my height and said she wished she could be tall.

After I got the groceries out, I went back just in time for my ear piercing. The lady certified for the work kept telling me she was surprised I had not had my ears pierced yet, and asked why I had waited so long. We chatted comfortably about the piercing and I picked out tiny silver and cubic zirconium studs. The other girl working the counter had now left for her break, so jewelry customers had to wait through the process. When I sat down for the actual piercing, I must have looked frightened. One of the ladies in line asked if I was scared and I admitted that I was a little bit. She was very reassuring. The clerk also explained that it wouldn't hurt very much. Still, even though I eppilate religiously, and have had 1000s of hair follicles fried out simultaneously with lasers, I waited nervously with my eyes closed as she lined up the piercing gun with marker spots she had placed on my lobes.

Everyone was right though. It was near painless. In a few moments, I was looking into the mirror at two sparkly little dot sized earrings. They looked lovely, and it felt momentous. Like a rite of passage.

Back in my car, driving to Lisa's, I thought over my hour long store visit and how far I had come in this year. I would have been terrified and self conscious, stepping to that counter back then. I would have assumed that no one would have wanted to have me at their counter, much less end up having to have enough contact to pierce my ears. Looking back now, it seems silly that I ever hated myself so much that I made assumptions like that, but I did. At that point I felt like a leper; some poor, unfortunate soul that know one would want around once they knew the truth.

Back at the party everyone congratulated me and complimented my cute little earrings. We chatted and dined right up until 2010 was 10 minutes away. Then we turned on the television to catch the ball drop in Times Square. I can't imagine a better way to ring in a New Year. I felt victorious. My physical transition will be a major part of 2010, but in 2009, there was an emotional metamorphosis. I transformed from a scared, shy, self loathing person, to a happy, sociable, confident woman. I realized suddenly, that the remaining facial hair is the only thing that robs me of the confidence I need to go full time.

Friday and Saturday were also very positive. I stayed in town and had a wonderful visit at Lisa's. Time with my friends always leaves me so happy. Everyone is so supportive, and the conversations are just amazing. Mostly we just got carried away with long chats and the hours flew by as we talked and laughed.

Saturday night I retunred home. This morning, Mom noticed the earrings and went on a tirade. "If you are a woman, I don't see why you need to flaunt it." "You are going to ruin everything for everyone, just to make yourself happy" "I see other young people trying to do things to make this world better, and all you are focused on is destroying yourself."

I told her that tiny cubic zirconium studs are not exactly flaunting anything. And that if another girl feels like carrying a red umbrella, or piercing her ears, or paying attention to her hair that the world is fine with it. I explained that I can not live my entire life pretending to be a man just to make things easier for her. The conversation was heated. I told her again, that I will transition, that it is not a matter open to debate. Then I left.

I cried driving, thinking of how hurt and worried she is. Just days ago we were happily exchanging the presents we bought for each other. Now she is all upset because I did something that most daughters have already done by their teens. I wish it were only the ear piercing. I would take them out, let it heal back and get on with my life. But the reason they can't deal with it, is because they do not see me as female. That is what is upsetting.

There is no sense in me backing down. The earrings are optional, but there are many much bigger things that must be done, which are not. Backing down on this will not save them from any of the pain that will come with watching me transition. Backing down would also make me look vulnerable. If I show evidence that I can be persuaded through guilt, then I'll have to contend with even more of it through my transition.

I'm proud of the earrings. For me, they symbolize the many social and presentation challenges I have overcome in the last two years. They are a milestone. If someone does not want me to wear them, they can pry them out of my cold dead lobes.

Tomorrow, will be my first day at work with them. After that, 6 weeks before things heal enough that I can wear them selectively instead of 24-7. In a bit, I'll drive home. I don't feel like talking to Mom, and looking at me will just upset her anyway. I'll probably just stay in my room...